initial visit to St. Christopher's

anxiety is a feeling that I am well acquainted with. i knew that the day was going to be somewhat overwhelming, but the fact that when we arrived we were thrown straight into meeting the patients was something i wasn't equipped for. As somebody who is mostly embarrassed and shy and, well, crippled by awkwardness, it only got worse when i realised that we were going to have to interact with these people and discuss things that are important to us.

when we met Jerry, our group leader, my fears were somewhat quashed. Though his choice of activities could easily be seen as intense, it was also easy to give an answer that was not so serious, plaintive. i found it very hard to talk so openly in front of the group, but the patient's openness compelled me to at least try. They were incredibly accommodating, though some were reluctant to participate or comply as much as others — but that was fine, because they interjected with jokes to lighten the mood. In particular, one patient seemed fragile, his pithy reaction to his son leaving home was incredibly moving, and was the moment I was most affected by.
Eventually the discussion felt slightly comforting, but i still found it overwhelming.

It was vivid, truly. i feel apprehension for my next visit but I'm sure it'll be okay. It's just weird, being thrown into a scenario in which two people of either end of their experiences are made to converse and reveal parts of themselves to one another. Daunting.