Final celebration day

I was really happy with the celebration day and think it went really well. I'd been worrying all week because I had so much to do I had a lot of cynotypes still needing completion and was having trouble with the animation and wasn't sure if id be able to finish them both so as result I shortened the animation. On the day it was raining in the morning which I was really worried about the only thing I could think about is if it kept up then the birds might get too wet and fall off. Throughout the setting up it was still raining a lot and cold so I thought people may be discouraged to come out but they did and the weather got better. After the birds were mounted (this took a while because tying wasn't easy and they kept tangling together) I set up the camera and animation under the gazebo and filled the spray bottles and placed them with scissors for guests. When the first person started opening it I was nervous because it was really unpredictable the bird could of got over exposed or the image may have not come out clearly but it worked really well. The instillation all hanging together but blowing in the wind worked nicely because they looked like a fleet just as planned. Once the bird was sprayed the image would be really clear but it would fade after a while because it didn't fix fully, this really reinforced the concept of them representing memories. Everyone was really involved and enjoyed exposing them I felt a really great vibe quite a few people came wanting to try it. I was happy with some comments about the work complimenting the effect and concept. The animation I had on a paper screen next to the instillation and projected it on people's hand it was like the wish coming true (1000 origami birds = a wish) and the idea for the animation was making johns wish for dancing again come true. When John arrived I was really excited to show him and (his wife was there and helped him to see the instillation) we helped him to expose one which he really seemed to like it saying his birds were flying and that it was lovely, I showed him the animation of himself on his hand although he had trouble with Movement. He seemed really happy and seemed to be enjoying everything and asked for a picture of us. John had to leave early for physio but took a bird home and said he would want to keep in touch. In the end all the birds were exposed flying together. Although this project was difficult at times the outcome was bigger then any of our other projects because it wasn't just about us and how good our work was we had worked with other people and effected each other. The whole day was brilliant with everybody's work, working really well and all of the people there really enjoying themselves. I think us all in this group and st Christiphers should be really proud.

Final workshops

Friday June 24th
this workshop was defiantly the most difficult of the workshops. It was really emotionally straining as the demo group came in to interview us on assisted suicide and euthanasia in the morning. I found this kind of uncomftorable because the subject but also because we were around people nearing the ends of their lives so I was wondering how they themselves would take the topic. John I found is a really optimistic peron and doesn't like focusing on anything negative so I sensed he wasn't very comftorable through the conversation which added to the awkward atmosphere for me. The day didn't improve beacause as we started late and then had the interview I only had around 20 minutes with John (he goes to phiso early around 12) which was inconvenient as today we were starting to collect information for the cynotype. I did get abchance to run through the final plans with John though and he seemed really pleased with them. Later on that day we learn that Denis was not absent like we thought but had passed away. It was really shocking for everyone and for me was a bit of a pinch reminding me where we were it was almost forgettable that the people we were working with were terminal because they apear healthy and we have met them in a relaxed environment and although we knew it was possible I never expected anything like this to happen. At the end of the day demo came back to interview us which I felt was really inappropriate consider g the news we just found out and awkward. I didn't really feel like answering and felt we were pushed a bit by the interviewers. The whole day was really difficult and it change my perspective for the project and for the next couple of days I found I was less enthusiastic because the reality set in.


Friday 1st July
The last workshop before the celebration evening went quite well and the atmosphere was much better then the week before. Me and John continued with making material for the cynotype but John usually has to leave early for physio which cuts back on some time. When he does leave I just continued with the assetate and listened to some of the dictaphone recordings and took notes from that. The plan was the same as the week before

Presentation Day

Today was our presentation day, I have been quite anxious about finally presenting my work as I felt that I was not as prepared as I would have liked to have been before the day of the show and after going to the other community project shows, I felt the pressure was on to deliver a good show to the patients we had been working with.

My initial idea was to focus on how Dennis felt about the past, he seems to have had a good life, but I could not help but question whether there was something he wasn’t telling me as all the trace of his life is virtually nonexistent. Was there something he was hiding? Would he just rather leave the past in the past? This is where my initial idea of using glass bottles comes from, memories which are trapped inside this bottle, which he is now unable to access due to personal choice. The memories are abstract and have been forgotten about, just the way Dennis wants it to be. I want to do an instillation which shows these memories personified. I have chosen to use glass bottles as Dennis has always liked a good drink and a smoke. I propose to hang the bottles as an instillation; these bottles will be covered in wax and will have lost memories trapped inside.

A couple of things were making me anxious I was worried about if we could get the whole show set up in time as we only had an hour and a half. I was also worried about if my piece would hang well and whether the tree would be strong enough to hold all the bottles. Furthermore I was worried about the response we would receive. I was also quite excited as we had been working towards this day for a long time. It was quite exciting to see how the patients would react to out responses to them to see if we depicted their visions accurately.

Luckily there were no problems putting up the show, though some people arrived a little early which was a little embarrassing. All the cakes and decorations had been put out. We all set up out work and I was happy with the position of mine, it was quite isolated, and the piece itself was simple. The contributions to the piece were made like I intended, I was pleased about that.

My initial worry about the bottles not hanging correctly was not a problem at all, although on the day I had to re do all the fishing wire as it was not long enough; luckily I had enough time to do so. It was quite complicated hanging the bottles as I had to find a branch which would hold the weight of each bottle without dragging the tree down, whilst considering the composition.

The response to the show was great; everyone found the work extremely moving. ‘The outcomes were all very strong’; ‘the concept behind the work is great’; ‘the work is simple, though the concept behind the work is very deep and complicated. I was really pleased with the response as I have been very anxious about this show, as the outcome was not work I would normally imagine myself to produce, Never the less I was proud because me and Dennis had made it together.

I feel I did work collaboratively in this project, although it has been very challenging to met the collaborative working criteria after Dennis passed away, I want to take forward the work I was going to produce with him and did not feel it would be right for me to met a new patient and start something new as I had got to know Dennis well and we were both excited for the outcome that we would have made together if the circumstances had been different.

Although my piece was not technically a collaboratively piece as Dennis didn’t help make the whole piece. Though I would argue it still is to an extent because we both came up with the idea together and we would have made the piece together if circumstances had been different.

I am pleased with our outcome, I feel the concept behind the work is strong and it supports the piece extremely well which I am happy with. The piece itself is not that visually pleasing, but it’s simple which I intended it to be.

Overall this has been an extremely challenging project for me though I have really enjoyed it thoroughly. I have learnt a lot throughout the whole project. I have learnt a lot about community art and I am very interested in participating in more projects similar to this.

Celebration day

Although it was pouring down with rain everyone seemed relaxed and excited about the day. We were sad that it was over but also happy that we had the experience that we did. We arrived at the hospice at 9.00am to set up, everyone was helping eachother and everyone brought in cakes, this also went well with my theme and installation of cakes. The other brit students and patients arrived at 11 and the weather brightened up. We all looked at eachothers work and said our goodbyes to the patients.
Everything seemed to enjoy the day both students and patients.

Final celebration day – st Christopher’s hospice

At around 3am early Friday morning, I woke up with a shock. I was having a nightmare about forgetting the balloons for the st Christopher’s celebration. I didn’t know how nervous and scared I was until that happened. Sure enough, I put the balloons in my bag and fell back to sleep for a couple of hours. I triple checked my bag before I left; cakes, balloons, traces banner, cyanotype photos, and string, done!

Arriving dot on the time, I made my way to the pavilion centre where the exhibition was taking place, Abraham and jess were the first to arrive, Harry and Laura were held up in traffic with all of the equipment and final pieces, but we were eager to make a start, and as the only thing we all had was cakes and juice, the refreshments seemed an obvious choice.

Everyone started arriving quite quickly after 9, including Harry with all the equipment, so we all had a lot to do to get everything finished by 11. Time was ticking and Laura still hadn’t arrived with the rest of equipment and my final piece, basically, I was getting nervous. About 5 minutes later she turned up and I started to prepare my cast and the cyanotype developments to be hung.

I was a little apprehensive because of the rain, but as my piece was site specific and needed to be in touch with nature to make sense, it could potentially get ruined, nevertheless - I decided to go for it anyway, and if it decomposed or got ruined, let it be. To my utmost surprise, the tree I chose had this beautiful texture when wet, and complimented the cast better than I could have imagined. It was so easy to set up too. There were these little stumpy branches coming out of the tree which allowed the fishing wire to wrap right round and stay secure. I then attached the images of cyanotype. All looked well.

I was really nervous wondering what Steve would think of my piece, but as soon as people started to filter in, I felt a lot better. The response to my work was positive, even though I doubt many people understood what it was about before meeting Steve.

When he came down and saw the piece we made together, I think he really liked it. He even started to take pictures of it with his camera. Everyone’s pieces looked so beautiful when they were hung/presented. I think we all really pulled it together in the end, despite all our doubts.

The feedback altogether was really positive, and it was lovely that Gerry wanted to keep all the work presented permanently.

celebration day — final visit, Friday 8th July

We all arrived at 9am, doused in rain and a little bit of panic. We began setting up, our priorities clearly in the right place — refreshments first. Together, we unpacked the artwork and equipment and began by setting up our own pieces of work. It was wonderful seeing the little bits of one another's work become actual installations, taking form in situ. Everybody worked together once their piece was done, getting the room presentable and full of "finishing touches". The atmosphere was of a calmed, somewhat muted revelry. The cakes were ready, the installations complete for viewing.
It was brilliant working together to get the pieces, displays and refreshments ready for the patients to see, I felt like we were a far more defined team than in previous weeks.

I felt completely nervous, waiting for people to arrive — especially so for Eunice and Fiona. As students, patients, nurses, and family arrived, trepidation & anticipation only set in more. The work that they'd created with me was very much on display, and I really wanted them to feel proud and involved.

Everybody enjoyed themselves. I saw some really heartwarming things — the enjoyment of Steve when he saw the final product of his and Tessa's piece. The reaction John gave when he saw his and Sakile's. He was genuinely enthralled. Not only, seeing him stand and walk to be involved with the piece, it was wonderful. The amount of involvement people felt with Elana's, the intrigue with Alice's, the way everybody stooped and shrank to view Abraham's, the intimacy of Finley's, and the marvel at the delicate, captured necklaces of Mia's piece. The entire event made me feel somewhat overwhelmed, even though everything came together so brilliantly. The little moments in which I caught people looking at these pieces so intently made the whole event feel successful.
What was lovely, though, was that the event wasn't just about product and results, but was also about a social experience; a culmination of conversations tracing to this day.

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It was unfortunate that neither Fiona or Eunice showed up, especially since I was expecting Eunice. It does just go to show the inconsistency that aspects of a hospice can have. I think the whole fluctuation and unbalance that we met with the patients just adds to the uniqueness of the entire experience. Though I wanted to show Eunice or Fiona the piece, I completely understood that there could be many reasons as to why they didn't show up — from the simple to the complicated. This project has given me a heightened sense of patience and understanding.
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p.s. sorry I've made this horribly embarrassing and mentioned everybody's work, it's just everything was so good.

Final workshop, friday 1st June

I felt pretty anxious about this workshop; not quite sure whether I wanted to see Fiona, Eunice or a new face. However, when I got there, I felt like I could actually bring anybody into my final piece through collaborative work.

Eunice arrived, and I was really pleased to see her. The first thing she said to me, was, "I feel much better today" — and that showed. She seemed much more confident in her drawing skills, wanting to improve on drawings she'd already done and also wanting to look at and use another medium.

She drew her doll once more onto acetate; this time with much more detail. She used the fineliner quite intricately; she introduced shading and gave more shape and trait to portions of the drawing. I think she was much more pleased with this more detailed drawing. I really think that the workshop has been beneficial to Eunice, as she's noticeably become more confident with mark making and the structure and proportions have improved significantly.

Eunice was keen to move onto another process, and I introduced her to clay, and casting her drawings. She didn't really want to draw an object from memory, and really wanted to draw things she saw around her. I wasn't going to stop her; I felt it'd be more beneficial for her to become comfortable with the process rather than forcing her to draw something she'd already drawn multiple times. Whilst I went to mix the plaster, she continued drawing. I handed over the plaster to her and she cast her drawings; ensuring the marks and grooves were deep enough to give enough of a definition and imprint.

Unfortunately she had to leave for physiotherapy before the casting was completely set, so only got to see one of her drawings cast. She seemed to be happy with the work that we'd done, and said that she'd be here to see the Celebration day next Friday. I felt really reassured by Eunice; I feel like she felt completely involved with the work, more confident with her artistic ability and happy to participate in our work.

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I loved spending this time with Eunice, and I'm really happy to see her confidence in her own artistic ability. I just hope her involvement with our project will give her more confidence still, and inspire her in exploring her memories further. I just hope she's enjoyed the process of exploring the traces of her favourite toy through the mediums I've kind-of provided.

During the last workshop We discussed the animation mostly, steve told me his motto, which was “a balanced diet is a cake in each hand” this phrase came from a china teapot his brother sent him from Australia, he sent it to Steve because he felt it represented him very well. Steve and I went slightly off topic at this point, and we had a lengthy discussion about food and all of his favorite treats.

We did a small stop start animation of him raising both hands for me to Photoshop in a cake, representing his lighthearted nature and his personal motto. I want to reflect all of these in myself and Steve’s final piece.
we also proceeded onto doing some cyanotype images, Steve drew a half finished cat (Hugo) again, and i asked him all the different things he would like to be put into the final piece. wine, cake, hugo, football balls and his family all came up. abraham and i developed them, but we forgot about them whilst they were in the sun so only a few images came out. nevertheless, it was a very good workshop :)

ps - steve looked like a cowboy :)

3rd workshop at st christophers

During the 3^rd session we established what sort of thing we wanted to achieve for the final celebration exhibition event. He spoke about the fact that nature should be a big part within it, as he has dedicated his entire life to teaching, preserving and appreciating all the joys the outside world can offer and be appreciated. We both decided on a very organic look for the final piece, debated mediums for a while, and finally came up with paper, as it is directly associated with trees and the cycle of life. We spoke about history a little bit too, he told me about the different human species as he’d watched a documentary on bbc one about the battle for the dominant race on the earth. I found it fascinating. After we’d finished talking about that, he taught me about the weather, hurricanes and tornadoes, and how they thrive I different areas. It became apparent at this point that regardless of his brain tumor, he was still highly capable of teaching; even though his pace is slow (as he finds it hard to articulate sometimes) he is still a very able person. This restored my faith in him, and allowed me to appreciate him a lot more.

24th June Workshop

I really enjoyed Friday. I think the fact that the weather and working outside gave such a uplifting mood to the morning as Christine was a lot more talkative. I worked with her without Elana as she wasn't present. I think it felt a lot more easier when it was just one to one and i think it made Christine a lot more comfortable too. We mainly worked with Glass Wax as she showed an interest in what you can do for it. Luckily she liked Steam punk styled jewelry which was incredibly handy as i had small watch parts to put into the glass wax.

We spoke more about jewelry and memories and how we could link them together. Her idea was to link time with memories, she wrote onto a piece of paper a word that related to a special memories of hers. I thought the idea was really touching and sensitive, as the word could relate to anything but not revealing too much. I think I'm going to put more of a steam punk theme into the work, as it can link with time and  a metallic feel to it.

Unfortunately Christine had to leave at 12 for a appointment. I didn't mind so much as we had done a lot of glass wax pieces together and i feel like she had a better time.

We also had some sad news. The day did have a downside. It really has only just hit me that the patients are really ill. We almost forget when we talk to them and work with them.

Third visit to St Christopher's.

On my third visit to St Christopher's Hospice my usual patient (June) wasn't there. Instead, I was partnered with Jess to do the workshop with Fiona and her husband 'Mr Foster'. Fiona was quite hard of hearing and so Mr Foster would listen for her, tell her what was said and often answered for her-in short, sharp responses which was quite off-putting. It made me quite nervous, as if I was holding him and his wife against their will.

Though Jess missed the week before, she handled it well.

The new patient was good for me to a certain degree as it prepared me for future possibilities when June might not turn up for one of the workshops. We introduced Fiona and Mr Foster to cyanotype, glass wax and plaster casting and we managed to talk Fiona around to drawing into the clay, pressing an object into the clay and drawing her dog, Hayley's bowl onto acetate and after asking a handful of times, Jess extracted a memory that was prominent in her mind-Her dog (a tan/white/black King Charles Cavalier) laying in her bed with her nose sticking out from under the sheets.

3rd workshop, Friday 24th June

This visit was successful for me in terms of the project. Though I was prepared and looking forward to working with Fiona again, it was also nice to be introduced to another patient and kind of "re-do" my first proper interaction with a patient.

We all set up and were ready to work — tables being set up outside and in. To be honest, it was a beautiful day and spirits started off very high. After a talk about euthanasia, the mood had changed somewhat. I introduced to project to the group after this talk. But, as predicted by Gerry, the mood rose again as we begun talking to the patients. There were a fair few new faces, and it was nice to see discussion pick up so easily.

Eunice was absolutely darling. I explained the project to her once more, and began asking her if she had any objects of significance. There was a slight shyness to her at the beginning; she seemed somewhat timid. I ensured that the object didn't necessarily have to pertain a memory that was secret or too emotional, it could be as simple as a favourite cushion. She began to talk about a doll she had when she was a little girl — "plastic". "up-and-down", "little". She mentioned, "back home there wasn't very many toys so you'd just carry your doll around". I found it interesting that this doll was something you'd care for, carry around with you, keep safe.

I asked her if she was interested in drawing her doll and she did so meticulously. Unfortunately our session was cut short by the fact that she had a previous appointment. I didn't mind; I  was just happy that she was such a lovely woman. She was very happy to draw and experiment with mark making, and wanted to be as accurate as she could with her drawings. However, I liked that each version of her doll had a different attribute to it, a little detail that made it particularly special.

After she left, I created cyanotypes with the acetates drawings she made. If Eunice is there next Friday, I'd like to take her through the process— but until then I've tried cyanotypes, and I'll also transfer the drawing to clay to plaster it.

I really enjoyed my time with Eunice. A wonderfully warm person.

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Overall, for many reasons, it was a very sad and overwhelming session. As a group, we faced the reality of working with those who are coming to the end of their life, and I left the hospice forlorn. There's a certain fragility to people that resides in everyone, despite how fresh they appear.

4th Visit

The visit was quite stressful as new patients were coming in and some didn't arrive. Because Sandra and Susan didn't arrive I was working with Pat. Some patients left so a lot of people were under a lot of pressure. Me and Pat were pared together and she mentioned how she doesn't know much in art and said she wasn't good at art so she started of by drawing a tree. While she did that i tried to do some small talk and try and get to know her. I think because she was shy it was hard to maintain a conversation. Because i had already begun my final idea in the beach, i tried to see if she had any places which were special to her and cooperate on that. She said she never really had a special place she went a;though she did say she loves pranking.

So I just introduces her to wax casting and plaster casting and that seemed to turn out well.

Dennis

I had been looking forward to today, i think Dennis would have been to. He said to me he really liked coming to the hospice every Friday, he didn't do much during the week as he was no longer very mobile. However he was looking forward to moving into a new place, where he would have been able to do alot more, and his life would have more like it was before he became ill three years ago. He lived with his brother in Penge, where he had lived his whole life, he said he liked living there alot though it had changed so much. We had come up with an idea together which we were both passionate about taking forward. We began to make some of the bottles last week, which i suspect was the last thing Dennis ever made. He wrote some memories for me on paper, which we placed in the bottles. The memories were mainly about his dog, Lennie.

Its imposible to anticipate such news, He seemed so healthy last Friday, as far as i was aware, he seemed to be one of the fittest patients. That's why i cannot understand. Meeting someone so close to the end of there life is such a odd experience, working with him gave me such a sense of joy because of his optimism. He was very ill, but managed to put on a brave face. I would almost forget about his illness when i was talking to him.

I still feel i want to carry on with the project and make something which he would have liked. He was excited for the presentation day. I will now trap memories of my own of us working together inside the bottles.

2nd workshop, friday 17th June

This was, essentially my first visit, and I was completely and, I think very obviously, nervous. My anxiety crept up on me as we were setting up, and I really did not want to do this by myself — I felt out of my depth, especially seeing as everyone else was a week ahead of me with their patients.

Due to the lack of patients — and the fact that June wasn't attending the class on Friday — Abraham and I partnered up. We attempted to get people involved in the project, encouraging, before moving down to the Art block of the hospice. To be honest, I was very pleased to be partnered up with Abraham as he had been there previously, and kind of knew how the whole thing would go down. However, I think as two shy people it was a very difficult task. I think, under the circumstances, we did quite well.

We were partnered up with Fiona, who was accompanied by her husband, Mr. Foster. Conversation was difficult to initiate, as everything said was filtered from us through Mr. Foster before reaching Fiona. I can only speak for myself — but as soon as I was placed with a patient I couldn't really remember what order I intended to do things, and I didn't really want to constantly refer to my proposed plan as I felt it was fairly intimidating and made the whole conversation seem more like an interview. I think the one mistake we did was not being clear enough to begin with in outlining what the project was exactly; I know I definitely didn't.

I went straight into asking whether or not Fiona had any objects of significance — giving her examples and such as to what they could be. A childhood toy ( giving her examples of my own marbles ), photographs, jewelry, something she carries with her — the only answer she gave was, "No, I don't." I didn't want to force an answer out of her, as she seemed reluctant. After a while, I was able to  find out that one of her fondest memories was that of her dog, Harley. I asked if she wanted to draw a picture of her dog, and she ensured me she couldn't draw, but I insisted that there was no skill needed, a picture could simply remind her of her dog. She drew a picture of his dog bowl. This was drawn on acetate, so we created a wonderful cyanotype with it, to look further at the process. It felt rather like Abraham & I were performing a magic trick.

We tried to find more out about the dog, and she informed us of a memory of her dog, laying on her bed — "his little black nose peeking out of the covers." She smiled sweetly as she said it, and one could tell she was completely fond of this particular memory. We googled the dog breed, and found some images that she thought resembled her clearly beloved dog — these images could well be implicated into some cyanotype, in an attempt to revoke her memory.

I had compiled acetates with everyday objects and trigger images on them; when I placed them in front of Fiona, she didn't really respond, so I inquired as to whether she felt a particular affinity to any of the images. "No." I asked specifically about flowers, and she responded somewhat positively; she likes flowers. I asked what her favourites were, but she didn't really have an answer for that. However, she liked the arrangement of the daisies in combination with the purple flower that we found on our desk, and thus we made a cyanotype of this too.

We also introduced Fiona to glass wax by submerging my marbles ( a childhood favourite of mine ) into some, and letting it harden — Immortalising marbles in a similarly transparent material. She seemed to be somewhat interested in this process, but at this point, I don't think she really understood the project very well, and thus our example seemed a bit like a magic trick to her.

Fiona also drew into clay to create a cast of her drawing. Though I had intentions of asking her to draw something that related to the dog, she instead drew a lovely house, and when cast, it came out with wonderful and simple detail, and was truly lovely. We inquired as to whether the house was from memory or just something she just felt like drawing. She said it was the latter; just a thing people draw.

I thought that the experience with Fiona was fairly difficult, but enriching. Though there was a lack of dialogue because of the fact that conversation was filtered through her husband, it was somewhat collaborative, as it was her mark making that we used to create examples. In that sense, I think it was very successful, however, I think there would be a lot to discuss if we were to partner with Fiona and Mr. Foster once again.

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Initially, when I left St. Christopher's, I felt somewhat cheated — I'm not very good at communicating and conversing as it is, and it makes me incredibly nervous to instigate a conversation. I also felt very irritating, as I asked and inquired things over and over, when I felt she didn't really want to talk to me ( that's actually why I don't often instigate conversations, and this situation felt extreme as Abraham and I were the only ones really actuating dialogue ). I didn't feel like I had "enough" information, and I didn't really feel like we'd interested the couple at all, nor did I feel like we'd really achieved anything.
However, as I thought about it, considering the circumstances, I think we did quite well to find out about that soft and delicate memory of hers, her dog Harley's nose in the bedsheets, nestled and endearing.

17th June Workshop

I was looking forward to seeing Colin and carol again as i had planned to do casts and cyontype with rings. But unfortunately Colin fell ill and couldn't make it to the workshop, i was upset about it as i was really looking forward to seeing him. I hope he gets better and will be able to come to future workshops.

I decided that i would need to press on with the workshop and think more of my feet. i was partnered up with Elana and a patient called Christine. We spoke about hair dye as Christine said how she liked to dye her hair before her chemotherapy. She also spoke about her interest in Great Frog jewelry and the music she liked. i found out that we both really enjoyed the same type of music which i thought was funny due to our age differences.

we used glass wax, wax casting and cyontype. i think the workshop went well as Christine easily understood wax casting and cyontype which were quite difficult to explain. i think she enjoyed the workshop as she was really involved with the activities. she liked the wax casting and the objects i brought in to cast (buttons and rings) which brought up the conversation about her favourite ring. she drew the ring on acetate for us so that we could put it onto cyontype which was helpful, the idea of getting the patient to draw for us onto cyontype may be used in my final piece.

Friday 17th visit

Friday's visit I found went quite well because we completed examples of all the processes that I wanted to try. Unfi=ortuently due to mobility John coukdnt go outside and see the cynotype develope but I think he was really engaged and with the casting he was also really involved. The only downpoint was that I felt more like I was teaching through the whole time and I think it would have been better if I planned more time just to talk like the week befor becaues I was running around a lot to do cynotype and get clay etc and then the most of the session I felt like I was just talking at John rather then talking to him. I was lucky that John was here last week but the possibility that not everybody will show up it daunting because these are personal projects based around specific memories so getting someone else may put the whole idea off balance. I was also really happy that John Brought in the bird picture we talked about last week and I can cynotype it he alo brought in his favourite artists album and I noted down his favourite song from there so we can incorporate this in the final piece. I was overall really happy with the progress we made and for the next workshop I'm going to plan more time sharing information so I can assetate onto the birds. John seems to be really interested and having an interest and collection of birds makes this collaboration reflect alot about John and his interest. I also would have liked to have done more cynotype images but I may have moved on more quickly from it because I anted John to get more time doing practical work (like casting) and with the cynotype process he did not get to do all of the steps. I'm looking forward to the next workshop.

Sakile

Friday Visit
One the 3rd friday visit, we were meant to begin working on the techniques with the patients. Although previous week sandra couldnt come and i was pared with a new patient Susan. Susan and myself got acqainted, talking about the project and then talking about our lives. We had a lot in common, we talked about dancing and how she attended a special danceing school and i went to a stage school, how it cost a lot of money for both our mothers, and we mentioned how we both were appreciated to our mothers and the way they sacrifised everything. I brought in some objects so we can try out some casting. Because she was knew to the group she wasnt sure if she had to bring anything so when we looked at one of my objects (shell) we both shared some interesting thoughts towards the shell. I mentioned how my mother loves collecting shells, and how we have many in our home, and Susan mentioned how she collected many when going to the beach. So we talked more about the beach and how my last visit to the beach was in blackpool and she mentioned that she went to the beach a lot as a child with her family.
When i indroduuced her to the project and the final event, we got starting with the plaster casting and using the shell that i brought in and i found that successful, we were really happy with the results. We also did the same with the wax casting and that went really well as well. So we moved on to doing cyanotype and although I had one really ood example, it was raining and when i tried to expose the picture to the light, there was not enough sunlight and to much rain and the pictures didnt come out unfourtunatly.
Overall the visit i found was very successful, despite that Sandra couldnt atent, i feel i achieved a lot with Susan and i know my idea for the final clearly.
Alice Roudenko

workshop on friday 17th june

The dynamic of this workshop was very different to the first. we arrived at 9 sharp and had a lot to set up. we just about finished dividing the room into 4 quarters so we could establish what mediums were in which corner. Gerry came down to the arts centre and told us that only 3 patients had turned up. we were all a little worried, but after about 15 minutes a lot more patients turned up. Steve was first in the room, and i followed him down. he told he he'd brought another object for us to talk about. and also a replacement pig (with its nose in tact) who we named Penelope. the object was a flat teapot, with clear words stating "a balanced diet is one cupcake in each hand" he told he his brother had bought it for him on his travels to Australia. Steve said he wanted to cast this object. but when we tried it didn't really work because it was so flat, and the outline kept getting morphed. so we moved onto cyanotype. i had already prepared the acetate for us to work on, and harry and abraham already prepared the paper. the darkroom was set up so everything was really easy to use. i gave steve a piece of acetate for him to draw onto and then expose. he drew a half finished cat, again. but it came out really well. i spoke to him about composition and what he wanted to expose. he didn't really have a preference so we made a small collage.

after this workshop i am clear about what i want to portray for my final piece, for exhibition in the celebration. it will be based around steve and the frustrations he faces.

proposal - Alice Roudenko

Proposal
Mt aim for this project is to make a piece based on personal happy thoughts and memories and creating a trace from it all. It being a personal project, my hopes to how people and my collaborative partner and myself hope it to be a touching piece. Working with someone they can choose to bring an object or photograph of personal significance, preferably easier to work with something with intricate detail. With this we will both use our objects and make plaster casting from it, either for scenery, jewelry or anything the object suit being presented in. I would like to make pieces of scenery remembered from the past of importance, like a live 3d photo. My inspiration comes from a artist Jean Antion Houden, an expert in plaster cast and uses the material well, creating good sculptured detailed pieces of the art. With this she creates a trace from using plaster casting also a live form of a trace which i find sculpture can represents. The resources needed for this project is powder, a bowl.
I think gloves will be needed and a spoon to mix the powder with water. With health and safety, myself and my collaborative partner will need to consider that the room should be ventilated, latex gloves in case of allergies or any kind of skin condition and making sure telling how the mix hardens and can get very hot so avoid touching it when not molding it. If hand is stuck the mix will expand and the chemicals will enter the body. This should be taken seriously as its very dangerous. When not needed, to NOT pour the mix into the sink, and to just throw it away. I'm also considering using cynotype, when using the photos as an example for the art pieces. Placing those photos onto asitate and from then making prints onto specialized paper. That could in some way be combined with the plaster casting. Like the casting could be the foreground scenery and movable, and the cynotype could be used as a backdrop.
My CV, where i got a B on ART, B on DRAMA, B on EXPRESSIVE ARTS, A on RUSSIAN, and C on literature. I can play piano, i have developed skills on video art, plaster casting, sculpture, photography, sewing and adobe illustrator and flash.
This being a collaborative project i hope this will be organic. I this will end successfully when celebrating the whole project at the 8th of July.

Alice Roudenko

Proposal

Proposal

The aim: The purpose of this project is to create a final collaborative instillation/ presentation of artwork between us (Year 12 Brit School students) and the patients who signed up for the program at St Christopher’s Hospice.

Achieving this: To achieve this we plan to work with the patients to create an instillation or/ and instillation surrounding objects and or stories that are close and significant to the patients we will then decide with the patient how to go forward and what they want to or are willing to use. This can be displayed very literally or abstract in form.

This activity itself is the ‘development’ because everything we do and work through weekly can be used in the final outcome

Hopefully the activity will affect everybody involved positively the idea is not as concerned with the final outcome or it having to be spectacular but the actual process itself of not only the creating but also the relationships built and the learning about each other and connections that are made.

Venue: Although at this point a final Venue has not been selected the facility (St Christopher’s Hospice) I saw a tour of the place and really liked the gardens. I think most likely if possible that outside may be a main base, though there is also an assembly room where some of the patients seem to have meetings and group therapy sessions – this may also be beneficial to use as the patients are accustom to being there and will most likely not have an issue with being there.

Some issues: Some main issue is that we may have are that not all of the patients may have the strength or ability to complete some of our workshops so for this reason if necessary we will set it up so we always have material to work with for example: if a patient can not physically make a plaster cast based on their object instead I may video them talking about it and the visually represent this in a different way. Another restraint we may have is that the patients have different meetings and sessions that may collide with the workshops in case of this we plan to get patients to sign up for time slots so that we have a more stable schedule.

Health and Safety: Before all workshops a health and safety brief will be explained and checked and all capabilities of the patients will be considered and altered accordingly for example if some one was very frail for health and safety we may opt to do most of the workshop inside in oppose to outside.

Public blog documentation and sensitive info to only be recorded in sketchbooks.

Who is involved? As a community although the project will be run by us and the patients a (obviously due to space) limited amount of people in the community will be allowed to attend the final event.

With this project it is all about really getting people involved and not just outlining what we want to do so for this reason we will try and work with the patients strengths and interest to make sure we are utilizing people and their skills.

When is it? The final event will be held on July the 8^th 2011

Budget: Our overall budget for this project is 200 pounds.

Workshop 1:

The main aim for this workshop will just to get to know each other a bit better we may record this visually with mini activities that help break the ice like one person sharing a story or about an object that is special to them while the other draws what they are hearing blindfolded. We have triled this in lesson time and it seemed like it may be a good ice breaker and quite light hearted. Also if permitted we may take some photographs of what we are doing and of the patient. We may also use other medias such as voice recording to help with the activities.

Workshop 2: On this workshop we will set up earlier the darkroom space by blacking out the gaps of light. We will then continue on from workshop one in activities surrounding personal items and stories and making traces of these whether this is note taking, picture taking etc.

In the following workshops we plan to start development of the final instillation/outcome.

Workshop 1

Explaining the theme of the project and the overall aim, getting to know the person better and exchanging stories. Using an excersize like the eyes closed story telling to get into the project and break the ice. Taking photos all trough it to create an animation afterwards

Workshop 2

Teaching the workshop of casting and cynotype with the people encouraging them to use objects that are close to them

Workshop 3

Working on the final ideas and planning the outcome

Workshop 4

Creating the final outcome.

Final ideas sofar

So far I really feel like going forward with the flock of birds instillation is a good idea. I just feel like it is a really nice way to look at things going away as a flock of birds are beautiful and that it is a good way to get people invoved. But obviously as this is a collaborative project the final piece will be more clear after further discussion with the client.

I do also like the shadow idea and I think this relates more to the ‘traces’ side and I thought of combining both ideas but then using origami would not work. So my other option could be making bird casts with crystal resin or glass wax and instead of using images, using objects or casts of objects to trap inside of them. This may work but I do not know how practical it is.

Location: I have not come to a definite decsision on the final outcome but I do know that I want the work to be hung in a sky view area and all next to each other.

By Sakile

Meeting Collin and Carol

On the 10th june 2011, We made our second visit to the hospice to run our first workshop.
It will be the first time we meet our one on one pateints and get to know them in a deeper more personal manor.
We arrived to the hospice at 9.30 am where we brought all our equipment ready for workshop one.
We set up and jerry again spoke to us about how things will work. We set up cameras with tri pods to record our workshop and set up a dictorphone to record the process of the workshop.
The pateints arrived around 11.00 am where we all sat down in a group to remind eachother of eachother names as the group has slightly differed to last time we went there. the majority of the pateints were the same as before minus a few people and with a few new people. Their was 6 patients altogether.
we again like in the first workshop went round the group for an introduction and spoke about where we grew up, Finley and Tessa ran this introduction. I feel this started worked well as we found common grounds with some of the patients, for example me and Sandra were both from croydon so this spured conversation.
Jerry then split us off into groups to run our workshop, me and mia were paired with carol and her husband Collin.
Collin was very quite and didnt seem as interest in the workshop as Carol did. She seemed very interested in animation and casting and told us lots of stories about objects and her life and family.
I feel we really got to know the couple from the workshop and look forward to next weeks workshop where we will be experimenting with photography and casting as we already used animation in the first workshop using our objects to tell a story.
Me and mia closed the session asking everyone to write a wish on a piece of paper we than talked about what went well in the session. We then went round and read out our wishes, some of the wishes were very touching and made me think about life.
I am looking forward to next weeks session and getting to do more hands on based arts workshops with our patients.

Visit to St.Christophers - Friday 10th June

We arrived at the Hospice at 9:30 to set up for the session, I was quite anxious about this visit as it was mine and Tessa’s responsibility to introduce the workshop at the beginning to the patients, we had to plan what we were going to do to make them feel comfortable. We began by re introducing ourselves as a group and shared the place we were brought up. Tessa then gave a short over view of the project. We then went round in a circle again to discuss a memory of the place we were brought up. This was nice because as we were able to start the morning positively. The patients seemed optimist, which made us all feel comfortable when we had to participate in one on one discussion. I was paired with Dennis, he was very willing to talk to me and share stories. He is very friendly and funny and I got on with him well. I found it very easy to talk to him and there wasn’t a quiet moment which made me feel very confident. We did a couple of drawing activities and I learnt a lot about him. He told me about his family and his experiences at work. He had never been married which I found quite odd. I couldn’t help but question how different his life could have been if he had never been a child in the war, he spoke about his friends, sister who he thought he would marry though never got the chance to as she died during the war.

Friday 10th June visits and workshops

At first when we got there i was a bit nervous as my workshop partner wasn't going to come in due to sickness, so i thought i would be on my own with a patient. but it was okay as my partner turned up anyway so my nerves cooled down a bit. although we planned the workshop and how it was going to happen i still think it was hard to determine how it was going to be depending on the patients.

We started off with everyone sitting in a circle and the patients coming in. i noticed that a few patients from before didn't turn up so there was less numbers but there was a few new faces too which was enlightening. Tessa and Finley introduced the workshop to them and what we will be doing such as casting and liquid light. at first i don't think the patients were too enthusiastic about liquid light and photography as they didn't really know what to expect which i suppose is fair.

Jerry, the music therapist, split as up into where we were sitting so i was not with my workshop partner but with another girl in my class. i didn't mind as we both had the same workshop plans and ideas for the project. The patient we were paired up with was Colin and his wife carol. carol told us this is their 2nd week at the hospice, which explains the new faces. we explained about the art project and who we were again in case it wasn't made clear at first. I noticed that Colin didn't talk much, and let his wife talk for him a lot. although she spoke about him a lot i don't think we got him engaged in the conversations and workshop.

Carol had a lot of interesting things to say about her and Colin's life but she was very closed up about certain subjects, I'm not sure if she was trying to avoid it being awkward or that she didn't want us knowing too much about her personal life. she spoke about her children and grandchildren a lot as she seemed really proud of them. she seemed very enthusiastic to do the animation workshop with objects and thought up of ways we could make a story through stop animation.

If Colin and carol are there next week i hope that Colin will be more involved with the workshops, i am now aware that he cannot walk or use his hands well so we will have to try and figure a way around it or have carol helping. I would like it a lot more if he spoke more often about himself, he told us he wasn't creative and enjoyed sport but I'd like to know more about him.

The animation workshop was successful besides not getting Colin to talk more. I really enjoyed it there and found out a lot of interesting things and i hope the next workshop will be just as good.

Mia

1st workshop, friday 10th june.

Unfortunately, I was unable to go to this session due to illness. My plan was to simply get to know the patient, through dialogue and discussion, and small art-based activities ( like blind drawing etc ). This session was intended to be fairly relaxed, a kind of 'getting to know you' session, with an introduction to the project, and an introduction to one another. It was going to be collaboratively informative, and the art-based tasks were going to facilitate the conversation about traces and objects, and act as documentation.

The fact that I have missed this session has left me fairly distraught, and I hope I'll be able to make up for it next week, though our session will be fairly rushed. In the event that I don't get a partner 'for myself', I've been briefed on another patient/student partnership whom I can join, as she ( June, a patient ) has quite a lot of stories for two outcomes.

I've been told by her partner, that June is not a confident artist, but enjoys galleries and looking at art, and is overall quite intrigued and happy to be apart of this project. She mentions the fact that she was an evacuee during the war often, without mentioning the details of this experience — this is something that I'd like to explore and understand, but I wouldn't want to be too intrusive as I don't know her.

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If I do have my own partner next week, my plan for now is to bring in lots of universal objects that I can use as inspiration for that workshop — household objects that inspire conversation and will help with the processes. For example, if I bring in bottles or containers in which we drink from — teapots, teacup, milk bottle, beer bottle, etc — I should be able to inspire dialogue between us. This will, hopefully mean we can get to know each other in a small period of time, and have enough to work on for the workshop — for both cyanotype or casting. Hopefully, this will make our partnership be more at ease and less forced, because without a small introduction to one another, we'd not be working particularly collaboratively, as I'd feel like I was using them for source information.

"she saw it, she liked it, she ate it"

First workshop at St Christophers - Friday 10th June 2011
I didn't really know what to expect if I'm honest. Then again, I was really nervous, and most probably over-analysing everything. If pathetic fallacy was relevant, It was defiantly going to be a curious day. When I arrived at reception, the atmosphere was apprehensive to say the least, everyone was quiet, and fairly anxious i would assume. Saying that though, It did make me feel a little more reassured knowing we were all in the same boat. We took all the equipment down to the art room and started to set everything up, Gerry came in after a while and told us all to be polite and say hello as they entered the room. I tried to smile as much as I could but it felt really transparent - I think even the patients picked up on how nervous we all were. Once we were all sitting in a circle - Finley began to introduce the project, I elaborated a little about the mediums, then she set up a couple of "getting to know you" activities around the circle. First we said our names, then the place we grew up, and then a special place to us.
Once we were all feeling slightly more nostalgic and relaxed - some common ground was set between a few people; mostly from Croydon and Penge. I thought that was nice, and even though its a relatively small connection - it's a connection nonetheless.

We broke into groups. Abraham, June, Steve and I were placed on the round table in the corner where we had set up. I introduced myself to Steve- he was my partner. Steve has a brain tumor, he sits in a wheelchair as his legs are unable to walk, a flannel rested upon his chest. I noticed that a pink pig (with the material like a stress ball) was firmly in his left hand. He told me this was to stop his hand clenching too much when he slept.
I was curious, so asked him about the pig. He said he wife found it in a draw once and he took a liking to it instantly. The nose was missing - he elaborated to tell me that his granddaughter bit it off a while ago. I asked him why he thought she bit it and he simply said "She saw it, She liked it, She ate it. Humans are simple."
That kinda got to me. It made me realise how mortality and lifespan are so irrelevant when you've accepted and adapted to change and death.
Humans like to act like they re complicated and interesting. But at the beginning and at the end of all our lives - we all crave the same thing. To wake. To survive. To thrive.
And in all our complexity's and manipulations, we get lost in our own selfishness. It takes something traumatic to bring us back down to earth and realise why we're all here. It's a shame.

Moving on, we started the exorcises, I asked him to draw whatever was on his mind. After a little hesitation, he drew a cat. He told me about how he has a ginger cat that was called Hugo and how he was the best companion. His drawing was actually pretty good, even though he didn't finish it. I'm not sure how far his attention span extends. I then asked him to draw his object: the pig. He smiled and asked for a pink pen. We had conversations throughout, and i found out a lot about him. He was a geography teacher - and really enjoys travelling and going on long walks, he mentioned the Lake District, an told me how triumphant he felt once he'd reached the top. the look on his face at that moment was a little upsetting, like he was reminiscing the feeling of being able to walk freely. I didn't want to disturb him at that point.
He spoke about the weather and cats and tornadoes and hurricanes, how they all worked and the dynamic of the world. I think he's brilliant. I can't wait to show him the animation of his granddaughter eating the pig's nose.

Friday 10/6/11 visit "Bull-as in a 'bull' in a china shop".

On my most recent visit to St Christopher's Hospice I became familiar with a patient named June. June was a world war II evacuee and has strong memories of her experiences. June forgot her object but descriptively explained an object from memory; a recycled doll-the head of a doll and a hand-made body. Around her neck, June had an extravagant gold necklace with a gigantic pendant attached to the end which she told me she had hand-made in Covent Garden to replace an amethyst one that she had been burgled of.

I tried to stick to the lesson plan but her stories were too intriguing to do so effectively. June was a bit uncertain when I explained the idea of the 'blind drawing' exercise, but after a second explanation she was good to go and started on her drawing of her doll that she remembered from when she was young. Though she was still a bit panicky as to what the final drawing would turn out as but I reassured her that the whole concept of this type of exercise was to make her feel comfortable, to show that not every drawing would be a masterpiece so I sat there and did one too. June then announced that she thought her drawing resembled a bike and began to transform it into a more bike-looking image. June then went on to say that the bike had taken the form of a "Bull-as in a 'bull' in a china shop" and so proceeded to add horns to her ever expanding image.

June revealed that she wasn't too confident as an artist, though she thoroughly enjoyed the arts. Particularly viewing them as she mentioned the Tate gallery numerous times.

I genuinely hope that I am partnered with June again as (though it sounds quite extortionate) she literally churns out conceptual material. I can imagine her being extremely up for the collaborative work, and the fact that she is just so kind, easy to get along with and easy talk to would contribute kindly to the work flow.

The second visit to the St Christopher's hospice

I found the second visit overall, good. We each got a chance to get to know the patients individually and share stories with them. I pared with a patient names Cassandra. We talked about her childhood and her likes and dislikes. I felt that we hit it of very well. And even though our different interest in things we still found things we both could agree on. Started of with asking what she liked and if she had any hobbies as a child. She mentioned a lot of her love to football and being in the south she supported crystal palace football team, I remember he mention that its important to support the team in your area. That I agreed with. She also mentioned that she loves her music and listened to records like jazz. I am no expert in jazz but i do have family who love jazz and with that I still enjoyed listening to it. Me as a child I had an interest in football when younger so I do have knowledge of it, I hope to explore more into it, so it would be easier to exchange more conversation to the subject.

We talked about a lot of different things. She was not a fan of jewelry, and only owed studs. Something simple and even though it was easy to lose, I owned a lot of jewelry where i had bought them in market places ts and where they sell vintage. She always mentioned how she should have been a boy because her interests where more for the male role. She said she didnt have an instrument that she could play but was interested in playing guitar even though she thought her fingers were to small. She never went to college because her parents could not afford it, so straight after school she worked with her father at a factory. Then she learned how to drive and was the first in her family to have owned and driven a car. That we thought was an achievement. I had very much respected her for that and agreed it was better to be independent, something i never developed to have achieved.

Overall I thought this visit was successful.

Alice Roudenko

Visit at St Christophers Friday 10th

First visit/ Friday 10th visit

First Visit Friday

I thought Friday's visit to St Christopher's was very successful and I think more comfortable then our last visit. The last visit I felt was a bit full on because we were all strangers and the subjects jumped to pretty personal which led to the clients talking about upsetting experiences that they had been through. This made me a little more conscious of what I should say and I wasn't sure what to say some of the time because in comparison my answers were trivial, which made the whole experience more awkward for me. Jerry was really friendly and good at running the group though. I sat next to a woman called Dorothy and almost immediately she started talking to me and sharing stories about her family. She was really friendly and it was nice to listen to her experiences and I was pleased in how open she was and that she enjoyed sharing thing about herself. Though at first I didn't really know how to react because she would at times not listen to the group discussions whilst she was talking and I did not want to ignore the group conversation or seem rude.

Friday 10th June

As I said I felt like our last visit was more successful and that we had gotten further. Although not everyone from the last session came there were new people that filled the gaps. We were sat into pairs by Jerry and I was put with John. At first we just started talking a bit and sharing stories I found that we actually had quite a lot of things in common from were we where from and were we and our families have lived. He was very warm and easy to talk to and open about his life. I am usually shy with people I don't know but I found him very easy to talk to and was more open myself and found it easy to share things about myself to him. Although we were sat in groups of four for most of the time we stayed in pairs. I actually think this worked better because it was not as daunting being in groups but we could also really get to know each other better as it was 1 to 1 so the balance was good and at the end of our mini sessions we combined our two pairs to share what we wished. Throughout the session I tried the ice breaking drawing with your eyes closed and drawing each others stories. I think we both enjoyed the activities but I did feel that there was time to spare and I could of planned more activities. I started to make up some more activities when the planned ones ran out but I think these worked too. After this I just started asking him pretty light questions and telling him some things about myself. For most of the session it was just like having a conversation with a friend and it did not feel like reading a plan or talking to someone of another generation. At the end though we started to plan what we may do and what his interests may be for the final instillation. I was very pleased to here that he had an interest for birds in our conversations and also that he had his own ceramic bird collection because I was looking at making cynotyped origami birds for an instillation so I thought this might be perfect. I really think together we can make a really great instillation and I'm very happy that we're both on the same page. Next session I have asked John if he could bring in some pictures of birds that he has so we can photocopy it and use it for cynotype and he seems interested in that. But as a back up I am going to get some images of similar birds.

Overall I really enjoyed the session but I found it upsetting when John started telling me about his condition and how sudden it was. When we made our wishes Johns was to dance again which he said he had enjoyed when he was younger. Dennis joined in on the conversation telling John its just a memory and he wont ever again. I didn't really know what to say and was a taken aback but I moved on the conversation to what we all wrote for our wishes. Otherwise I think we have a really good foundation for us to build on for next week.

Sakile Stephen

First visit to St Christopher's Hospice.

My first visit to St Christopher's Hospice began in an uncertain manner. I was hesitant to meet the patients and finding out that we weren't expected made things worse-more tense. As I love history I took an instant liking towards a lady named June who spoke about herself being a WWII evacuee. This was part of an exercise we took part in to familiarise ourselves with one another.

Gerry sat us all around a set of tables, forming a rectangle in the centre of the room, we then stated things we liked, things we didn't like so much and significant things that had represented change in our lives thus far. I immediately thought that the latter request was quite personal and would cause some sort of mishap; I was right as when it was the turn of one of the patients, he muttered something and then began to cry. This is one aspect of the entire project that I threat may be counter-productive... Being too forceful, not giving the patients the choice to choose whether or not they want to say something, using them as too much of a source to withdraw information from to help us towards our final piece rather than the final piece be a collaborative outcome.

In my first visit to St Christopher's Hospice i found it easy to open up a bit with the group. We all got a chance to introduce ourselves as a whole group. In all honesty I never really got to connect with anyone in the hospice, which I alright because listening to there small stories I still felt a connection by just listening. I was sitting next to Denise and he occasionally asked me questions about what the others in the group were saying because of his difficulty hearing, and when he mentioned his change about the death of his dog, in which i felt i had in common as i also lost my dog and told me it was a horrible thing, with that i felt that i broken the ice a bit.

Overall i found that this was a successful first visit and it will be easier for the next.

Alice Roudenko

initial visit to St. Christopher's

anxiety is a feeling that I am well acquainted with. i knew that the day was going to be somewhat overwhelming, but the fact that when we arrived we were thrown straight into meeting the patients was something i wasn't equipped for. As somebody who is mostly embarrassed and shy and, well, crippled by awkwardness, it only got worse when i realised that we were going to have to interact with these people and discuss things that are important to us.

when we met Jerry, our group leader, my fears were somewhat quashed. Though his choice of activities could easily be seen as intense, it was also easy to give an answer that was not so serious, plaintive. i found it very hard to talk so openly in front of the group, but the patient's openness compelled me to at least try. They were incredibly accommodating, though some were reluctant to participate or comply as much as others — but that was fine, because they interjected with jokes to lighten the mood. In particular, one patient seemed fragile, his pithy reaction to his son leaving home was incredibly moving, and was the moment I was most affected by.
Eventually the discussion felt slightly comforting, but i still found it overwhelming.

It was vivid, truly. i feel apprehension for my next visit but I'm sure it'll be okay. It's just weird, being thrown into a scenario in which two people of either end of their experiences are made to converse and reveal parts of themselves to one another. Daunting.

Our first visit to St Christopher's

When we first walked into the hospice it didnt look like a hospital or a home. It looked like a homley community. We went to the provilion at in the garden of the hospice with 8 patients while we introduced eachother and got to know eachother. The community worker Jerry then told us a bit about his self and how he trained as a music therapist. He then spoke a little bit about how the hospice works and the history of it so we had a better understanding and back ground of it. I was very nervous to meet the pateints but once everyone got talking it was fine. After meeting the patients and seeing the inspiring place i feel excited for the next workshop on the 10th of june.

First day at St Christopher's Hospice

As i turned up to the hospice late, i joined the group discussion half way through. I felt immediately on the spot as i had to introduce myself as i had missed the first introductions. After that we went round in a circle on our feelings on change. I felt like i didn't want to say anything that was depressing or whiney so i wanted to say optimistic things, i was really surprised at how open the patients were with us. They were really up front about their life and their illness.

I spoke to a patient, dorothy, for a while in the group discussion. I thought she was really lovely and she enjoyed talking about her family and her life. I found it really funny that she spoke about her daughter in law and said i looked a lot like her so she would bring in pictures the next time we come. I really thought that was really sweet of her and it made me laugh when she asked if i was chinese as people often assume I'm Asian.

As many patients were lovely and funny, there was one that made me feel really uncomfortable. A patient called steve was sitting next to me, when he spoke about a change in his life he started to cry. He said about how his son first left home and how he felt lonely. I didn't know how to react to his crying, whether to pat his arm or to just sit there. It made me feel really tearful and made me thought how emotional how some of the patients must feel despite their optimistic attitudes.

I'm glad i did go as it has given me a better insight on what to expect and how i should go about things. At first i was reluctant to do this project but i think I'm really going to enjoy it.

 Mia

First day at the St Christopher's Hospice

The patients seemed reluctant to communicate with us at first, mixed reactions from the group made me feel very anxious as I sat down in the art room. It was a pleasant area, with good resources and a friendly atmosphere. The man who lead the group discussion was very welcoming and had a very encouraging approach to teaching, taking into consideration how challenging his job must be. We began by introducing ourselves to the group and some ice breaker exercises. Our  first meeting was extremely intense, which I did not anticipate. Steve, one of the patients spoke about when his eldest son left home which left him feeling alone. I found this incredibly upsetting, I didn’t anticipate to be told something so personal on our first visit. He was so open, as were the other patients. The visit made me appreciate my adolescence,  death seemed more real than ever.  I’m looking forward to the next visit, although I am very apprehensive.