"she saw it, she liked it, she ate it"

First workshop at St Christophers - Friday 10th June 2011
I didn't really know what to expect if I'm honest. Then again, I was really nervous, and most probably over-analysing everything. If pathetic fallacy was relevant, It was defiantly going to be a curious day. When I arrived at reception, the atmosphere was apprehensive to say the least, everyone was quiet, and fairly anxious i would assume. Saying that though, It did make me feel a little more reassured knowing we were all in the same boat. We took all the equipment down to the art room and started to set everything up, Gerry came in after a while and told us all to be polite and say hello as they entered the room. I tried to smile as much as I could but it felt really transparent - I think even the patients picked up on how nervous we all were. Once we were all sitting in a circle - Finley began to introduce the project, I elaborated a little about the mediums, then she set up a couple of "getting to know you" activities around the circle. First we said our names, then the place we grew up, and then a special place to us.
Once we were all feeling slightly more nostalgic and relaxed - some common ground was set between a few people; mostly from Croydon and Penge. I thought that was nice, and even though its a relatively small connection - it's a connection nonetheless.

We broke into groups. Abraham, June, Steve and I were placed on the round table in the corner where we had set up. I introduced myself to Steve- he was my partner. Steve has a brain tumor, he sits in a wheelchair as his legs are unable to walk, a flannel rested upon his chest. I noticed that a pink pig (with the material like a stress ball) was firmly in his left hand. He told me this was to stop his hand clenching too much when he slept.
I was curious, so asked him about the pig. He said he wife found it in a draw once and he took a liking to it instantly. The nose was missing - he elaborated to tell me that his granddaughter bit it off a while ago. I asked him why he thought she bit it and he simply said "She saw it, She liked it, She ate it. Humans are simple."
That kinda got to me. It made me realise how mortality and lifespan are so irrelevant when you've accepted and adapted to change and death.
Humans like to act like they re complicated and interesting. But at the beginning and at the end of all our lives - we all crave the same thing. To wake. To survive. To thrive.
And in all our complexity's and manipulations, we get lost in our own selfishness. It takes something traumatic to bring us back down to earth and realise why we're all here. It's a shame.

Moving on, we started the exorcises, I asked him to draw whatever was on his mind. After a little hesitation, he drew a cat. He told me about how he has a ginger cat that was called Hugo and how he was the best companion. His drawing was actually pretty good, even though he didn't finish it. I'm not sure how far his attention span extends. I then asked him to draw his object: the pig. He smiled and asked for a pink pen. We had conversations throughout, and i found out a lot about him. He was a geography teacher - and really enjoys travelling and going on long walks, he mentioned the Lake District, an told me how triumphant he felt once he'd reached the top. the look on his face at that moment was a little upsetting, like he was reminiscing the feeling of being able to walk freely. I didn't want to disturb him at that point.
He spoke about the weather and cats and tornadoes and hurricanes, how they all worked and the dynamic of the world. I think he's brilliant. I can't wait to show him the animation of his granddaughter eating the pig's nose.

Friday 10/6/11 visit "Bull-as in a 'bull' in a china shop".

On my most recent visit to St Christopher's Hospice I became familiar with a patient named June. June was a world war II evacuee and has strong memories of her experiences. June forgot her object but descriptively explained an object from memory; a recycled doll-the head of a doll and a hand-made body. Around her neck, June had an extravagant gold necklace with a gigantic pendant attached to the end which she told me she had hand-made in Covent Garden to replace an amethyst one that she had been burgled of.

I tried to stick to the lesson plan but her stories were too intriguing to do so effectively. June was a bit uncertain when I explained the idea of the 'blind drawing' exercise, but after a second explanation she was good to go and started on her drawing of her doll that she remembered from when she was young. Though she was still a bit panicky as to what the final drawing would turn out as but I reassured her that the whole concept of this type of exercise was to make her feel comfortable, to show that not every drawing would be a masterpiece so I sat there and did one too. June then announced that she thought her drawing resembled a bike and began to transform it into a more bike-looking image. June then went on to say that the bike had taken the form of a "Bull-as in a 'bull' in a china shop" and so proceeded to add horns to her ever expanding image.

June revealed that she wasn't too confident as an artist, though she thoroughly enjoyed the arts. Particularly viewing them as she mentioned the Tate gallery numerous times.

I genuinely hope that I am partnered with June again as (though it sounds quite extortionate) she literally churns out conceptual material. I can imagine her being extremely up for the collaborative work, and the fact that she is just so kind, easy to get along with and easy talk to would contribute kindly to the work flow.

The second visit to the St Christopher's hospice

I found the second visit overall, good. We each got a chance to get to know the patients individually and share stories with them. I pared with a patient names Cassandra. We talked about her childhood and her likes and dislikes. I felt that we hit it of very well. And even though our different interest in things we still found things we both could agree on. Started of with asking what she liked and if she had any hobbies as a child. She mentioned a lot of her love to football and being in the south she supported crystal palace football team, I remember he mention that its important to support the team in your area. That I agreed with. She also mentioned that she loves her music and listened to records like jazz. I am no expert in jazz but i do have family who love jazz and with that I still enjoyed listening to it. Me as a child I had an interest in football when younger so I do have knowledge of it, I hope to explore more into it, so it would be easier to exchange more conversation to the subject.

We talked about a lot of different things. She was not a fan of jewelry, and only owed studs. Something simple and even though it was easy to lose, I owned a lot of jewelry where i had bought them in market places ts and where they sell vintage. She always mentioned how she should have been a boy because her interests where more for the male role. She said she didnt have an instrument that she could play but was interested in playing guitar even though she thought her fingers were to small. She never went to college because her parents could not afford it, so straight after school she worked with her father at a factory. Then she learned how to drive and was the first in her family to have owned and driven a car. That we thought was an achievement. I had very much respected her for that and agreed it was better to be independent, something i never developed to have achieved.

Overall I thought this visit was successful.

Alice Roudenko

Visit at St Christophers Friday 10th

First visit/ Friday 10th visit

First Visit Friday

I thought Friday's visit to St Christopher's was very successful and I think more comfortable then our last visit. The last visit I felt was a bit full on because we were all strangers and the subjects jumped to pretty personal which led to the clients talking about upsetting experiences that they had been through. This made me a little more conscious of what I should say and I wasn't sure what to say some of the time because in comparison my answers were trivial, which made the whole experience more awkward for me. Jerry was really friendly and good at running the group though. I sat next to a woman called Dorothy and almost immediately she started talking to me and sharing stories about her family. She was really friendly and it was nice to listen to her experiences and I was pleased in how open she was and that she enjoyed sharing thing about herself. Though at first I didn't really know how to react because she would at times not listen to the group discussions whilst she was talking and I did not want to ignore the group conversation or seem rude.

Friday 10th June

As I said I felt like our last visit was more successful and that we had gotten further. Although not everyone from the last session came there were new people that filled the gaps. We were sat into pairs by Jerry and I was put with John. At first we just started talking a bit and sharing stories I found that we actually had quite a lot of things in common from were we where from and were we and our families have lived. He was very warm and easy to talk to and open about his life. I am usually shy with people I don't know but I found him very easy to talk to and was more open myself and found it easy to share things about myself to him. Although we were sat in groups of four for most of the time we stayed in pairs. I actually think this worked better because it was not as daunting being in groups but we could also really get to know each other better as it was 1 to 1 so the balance was good and at the end of our mini sessions we combined our two pairs to share what we wished. Throughout the session I tried the ice breaking drawing with your eyes closed and drawing each others stories. I think we both enjoyed the activities but I did feel that there was time to spare and I could of planned more activities. I started to make up some more activities when the planned ones ran out but I think these worked too. After this I just started asking him pretty light questions and telling him some things about myself. For most of the session it was just like having a conversation with a friend and it did not feel like reading a plan or talking to someone of another generation. At the end though we started to plan what we may do and what his interests may be for the final instillation. I was very pleased to here that he had an interest for birds in our conversations and also that he had his own ceramic bird collection because I was looking at making cynotyped origami birds for an instillation so I thought this might be perfect. I really think together we can make a really great instillation and I'm very happy that we're both on the same page. Next session I have asked John if he could bring in some pictures of birds that he has so we can photocopy it and use it for cynotype and he seems interested in that. But as a back up I am going to get some images of similar birds.

Overall I really enjoyed the session but I found it upsetting when John started telling me about his condition and how sudden it was. When we made our wishes Johns was to dance again which he said he had enjoyed when he was younger. Dennis joined in on the conversation telling John its just a memory and he wont ever again. I didn't really know what to say and was a taken aback but I moved on the conversation to what we all wrote for our wishes. Otherwise I think we have a really good foundation for us to build on for next week.

Sakile Stephen

First visit to St Christopher's Hospice.

My first visit to St Christopher's Hospice began in an uncertain manner. I was hesitant to meet the patients and finding out that we weren't expected made things worse-more tense. As I love history I took an instant liking towards a lady named June who spoke about herself being a WWII evacuee. This was part of an exercise we took part in to familiarise ourselves with one another.

Gerry sat us all around a set of tables, forming a rectangle in the centre of the room, we then stated things we liked, things we didn't like so much and significant things that had represented change in our lives thus far. I immediately thought that the latter request was quite personal and would cause some sort of mishap; I was right as when it was the turn of one of the patients, he muttered something and then began to cry. This is one aspect of the entire project that I threat may be counter-productive... Being too forceful, not giving the patients the choice to choose whether or not they want to say something, using them as too much of a source to withdraw information from to help us towards our final piece rather than the final piece be a collaborative outcome.

In my first visit to St Christopher's Hospice i found it easy to open up a bit with the group. We all got a chance to introduce ourselves as a whole group. In all honesty I never really got to connect with anyone in the hospice, which I alright because listening to there small stories I still felt a connection by just listening. I was sitting next to Denise and he occasionally asked me questions about what the others in the group were saying because of his difficulty hearing, and when he mentioned his change about the death of his dog, in which i felt i had in common as i also lost my dog and told me it was a horrible thing, with that i felt that i broken the ice a bit.

Overall i found that this was a successful first visit and it will be easier for the next.

Alice Roudenko

initial visit to St. Christopher's

anxiety is a feeling that I am well acquainted with. i knew that the day was going to be somewhat overwhelming, but the fact that when we arrived we were thrown straight into meeting the patients was something i wasn't equipped for. As somebody who is mostly embarrassed and shy and, well, crippled by awkwardness, it only got worse when i realised that we were going to have to interact with these people and discuss things that are important to us.

when we met Jerry, our group leader, my fears were somewhat quashed. Though his choice of activities could easily be seen as intense, it was also easy to give an answer that was not so serious, plaintive. i found it very hard to talk so openly in front of the group, but the patient's openness compelled me to at least try. They were incredibly accommodating, though some were reluctant to participate or comply as much as others — but that was fine, because they interjected with jokes to lighten the mood. In particular, one patient seemed fragile, his pithy reaction to his son leaving home was incredibly moving, and was the moment I was most affected by.
Eventually the discussion felt slightly comforting, but i still found it overwhelming.

It was vivid, truly. i feel apprehension for my next visit but I'm sure it'll be okay. It's just weird, being thrown into a scenario in which two people of either end of their experiences are made to converse and reveal parts of themselves to one another. Daunting.